


If You Say Anything, Say 'I Got You Now Star Fox'

by Pathologies



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: GET IT HE'S AN ASSIST TROPHY, Gen, In which Alucard is your disastrous goth uncle, Multi, Surprise Pairing, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Planning, and Bayonetta is your cool lesbian wine aunt, and a dog is your minister, and a monkey is covering panic at the disco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 15:46:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17583746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pathologies/pseuds/Pathologies
Summary: When you're the best man to your friend's wedding, what do you do? Hire a vampire and a witch of course.





	If You Say Anything, Say 'I Got You Now Star Fox'

It had been a month since Kirby had freed all of them. Since then Alucard had been looking for a new kind of task. So when the news that one called Falco was looking for someone to assist with a marriage, he wished to rise to the occasion.

“Actually I’m surprised to see you at all,” Falco raised a brow at the people answering his anonymous summons. 

The soft, slightly judgmental voice chimed in, “You might say I have a certain...fascination with these mortal functions.”

The bird folded his wings, “The son of Dracula? At a wedding?”

“Despite my family’s shortcomings, you’ll see I’ve often erred to the side of humans more than once. That is, if you choose to look beyond your own biases.”

A big meaty hand cut in, patting the blond’s shoulder, a gesture which made the half-vampire discreetly freeze, “Alucard is a good soul. He has aided my family many generations in their time of need!”

Falco sighed, rolling his eyes, “This isn’t exactly good versus evil we’re talking about. And you still want to be...a wedding planner?”

Despite the cynical edge to Falco’s voice, Alucard let his head droop in dramatic silence for a good moment, “Yes. I wish to throw in my lot once more.”

The bird pilot took a seat on a rock. Strange location, picking the battlefield stage as a meeting place but, it worked, “...well, you did live longer than most of us. You ought to know something about weddings. So...let’s get my best friend married.”

“Before we get started,” Alucard chimed in once more, “We must advise against booking a church...for the sake of the guest list.”

“What he means,” a woman with fabulous black locks added, lounging from a rocky outcropping, “Is there are some of us liable to catch fire. Isn’t that right, love?”

“Not so bluntly,” the half-vampire grunted, restrained.

“Don’t be so stuffy, it’s quite hard for me to enter a church for the same reasons. You know, blaspheming against god, killing angels~”

The human friend of Alucard let his head dart, giving a confused ‘should I go after this witch or not?’ look.

“Listen, neither Wolf or Fox are big on uh...that,” Falco continued, “They just said they want a lowkey, relaxing time at New Donk City. Nothing big, nothing expense. Just the bare minimum for a wedding. Can you handle that?”

“Of course, I believe so,” Alucard said, “But such a ceremony requires one to officiate the union. Simon, Richter. Can you aid me in such a venture?”

Simon gave a confused brow furrow, “I wish I could! But sadly the Church only ordained Belmonts in...monster killing matters. I’m not certain they gave the Morningstar blessings to ordain marriages.”

Richter shrugged, “I can’t read.”

Alucard let his forehead delicately rest against his thumb and index finger, a gesture which looked great for painting, awkward for the immediate present. 

However, the witch snapped her fingers, strutting up as she dialed up a cell, “Don’t throw yourself and that sullen pale complexion off the stage just yet, I believe I have someone who could aid us.”

The son of Dracula looked unsure. Bayonetta rolled her eyes, “It’s a cellphone. Transmits voices, one of those newer inventions.”

Alucard intoned in that stone cold voice, “Yes...a phone….a device which replicates and delivers the sound of one’s voice...I’ve only heard such things in fantastical telegrams.”

“What’s a telegram?” whispered Richter to Simon.

“Alright stop being a smartass,” Bayonetta said, “Because this is the most effort I’ve put into any social occasion. She’s an assistant to a mayor of some sterile little Hamlet, but believe me she does everything. She’s practically a one-woman government.”

“And you know her how…?” asked Falco.

“She was cute, I asked for her number,” shrugged the witch.

The voice popped in with the phone’s click. Everyone craned their neck to hear….garbled, high pitched warbling.

“That accursed relic is spouting some sort of demonic tome!” hissed Simon.

Alucard continued, “I recognize this accent, it’s rare, mostly belonging to benign animal creatures.” Realizing Bayonetta was on speaker, he apologized, “Er, yes. I’m sorry. I’m an acquaintance of Bayo--”

Bayonetta knew a social disaster when she saw one and she cut in to the garbling, “Isabelle, you darling spot of sunshine! How’s the paperwork? Good? Good. I was wondering if you could do me a fav—oh him? Yes, he was only stopping by. Anyway, do you do ceremonies? Weddings and all that?”

More garbling, “Mhmmm. Uh huh. Alright then~ Take care of yourself, dear. We have to do coffee again. Yes I know you don’t drink coffee.” She hung up, “Well, you got yourself a bloody government official to officiate your wedding. How’s that for you?”

Falco looked flabbergasted, “Ah—buh—that--thanks. I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Oh I do,” she smiled, “I want to be this shindig’s official bartender. That means I stock any drink at my discretion~”

Falco, too grateful to see Alucard’s extremely worried face, just grinned and nodded, “Sure! Can’t have a reception without something to give to the guests!”

 

“Don’t worry,” Bayonetta winked, “I won’t go too overboard.”

“Thanks, all of you.” the bird looked to Alucard, “I would do this on my own since I’m the best man and all...but I don’t know anything about doing a wedding so...I trust you with whatever you got, Alucard, Richter, Simon, Bayonetta.”

The blond vampire nodded, “Everything will run smoother than the finest machinations of my father’s castle. I will not fail you.”

A week later at the second-to-top grouping of floors in Empire Building State, plenty volunteered to help the vampire, mostly: Mewtwo who agreed to only move heavy objects, Isabelle who was getting the paperwork ready and making sure everything was up to regulation, Simon and Richter who were warding the building from demonic influences, and Bayonetta who was masterfully preparing her bar.

Alucard mused to himself, “After some consideration, I realized the solution: we burn down the building and feign our demise.”

Bayonetta was in the back of the plush red carpeted lobby, sampling another selection from her old crates of drinks. Nothing in there looked like it had been tasted for hundreds of years. She was close to finishing a bottle of absinthe, “You’re taking this too seriously, as expected. For chrissake, they said it was going to be and I quote ‘a low key wedding’.”

“And it won’t be,” he flipped over a whiteboard, containing a diagram of chairs, “For the last two nights I’ve been going over the guestlist and it’s a hotbed of alliances, contentious relationships, and outright antagonism with which the slightest wrong seating will lead to disaster.”

“Oh god,” Bayonetta groaned, motioning Mewtwo to float her empty bottle away. The pokemon didn’t appreciate having their work interrupted, telling from their eyeroll.

Alucard continued, “There’s Bowser and his children, who must be seated away from Mario or any associated royalty to prevent incident. But Bowser insists Luigi will be his plus one, which will make interaction with Mario highly impossible to prevent.”

Isabelle gave Bayonetta a worried look before trying to butt in, “Uh Mr. Tepes--”

“Or keeping Zelda and King Dedede or any of the other royalties from intermingling to prevent an incident—honestly, the number of royalty with combat training here is staggering. That reminds me I need to keep Dedede, Meta Knight, and the...red-white orb at separate parts of the room.”

“Mr. Tepes please--”

Bayonetta patted the dog’s shoulder, “Might want to wait a minute, darling.”

“Or the grooms themselves! I can’t have the groom’s assorted mercenary crews sitting together since both have an antagonistic history together and doing so might spark that history once more...” he sighed, resting his head between his hands, “Mewtwo, where’s the tablecloth? The one with the space theme?”

Mewtwo might have given a richer answer or maybe a great, long-winded speech. But he didn’t because he was a pokemon, despite all his powers. Such a limit made Alucard exasperated as he rose, “Alright, I’ll take care of it myself.” the blond vampire began to teleport from table to table, cloth appearing with the jarring glitchiness of his own being. 

Bayonetta sighed, pulling out a glock. Isabelle squeaked in fear. Bayonetta kicked a cup, took aim….and fired a shot of liquid right into the porcelain as it clattered without a drop spilled on the nearest table. 

The vampire stopped, “I doubt alcohol will affect me.”

“It’s tea, you sod. Now drink up,” the witch commanded.

Finally slowing down for the first time today, Alucard sat and began to sip. Bayonetta called out, “Oi, floating fetus cat. Want some too?”

Mewtwo, currently moving a grand baby piano to where the reception area would sit adjacent to the aisle, nodded as he floated to Alucard’s table. Bayonetta smiled, firing a round of tea and another into two cups, “Isabelle be a darling and bring Mewtwo one, then bring that lemony goodness back so you can add a little flavor to my bar~”

Isabelle grinned, embarrassed as she handed the pokemon the tea. Telling from how worn the pokemon’s face looked, a face ready to fall asleep, he needed it just as bad as Alucard.

Once Isabelle rejoined Bayonetta, she leaned back and shook herself a new concoction, “Now that we chilled the fuck out: what’s got that massively rare petticoat in a twist?”

Alucard glanced at the board, back to the other helping members of his planning committee before he sighed, “I suppose...I have taken it too seriously.”

“Yes I believe we got to that bit, the answer we’re looking for is Why.” Bayonetta poured her screwdriver.

“I suppose...” Alucard glanced out those great iron-wrought windows, the patterns giving beautiful shapes on the floor and over his face as he glanced at the sun, “My memories of my human mother and vampire father...those happy memories are so few and far between...but I suppose the happiest thing was hearing my mother Lisa tell me of her and my father’s wedding. And I thought...for all that strife, for all that pain my father made for her...she gave him something human all the same. Because when she told that story, my father’s eyes would light up. It was...love.” His head sank, “I have lived for so long, seen the Belmonts come and go...but I suppose the most lasting feelings were the joy I shared in their weddings...I suppose I wished to feel that again. To feel the human side of me.”

He heard a sniff. He turned his head to see tears welling up in Isabelle’s eyes, “Tha-that’s the saddest thing I ever heard! I’m so sorry!”

“Isabelle...” Alucard started.

Bayonetta cut in, “That’s all good and well, but is this your wedding? Are you picking up some canine on two feet and spending your life with them? I think fucking not. For some reason, a bird trusted all of us to give Their wedding. Whatever reason we picked to jump aboard the wedding planning boat means nothing. We’re here to give two beautifully stupid bastards something to remember in honor of their grand venture into the lovely mistake of joining their lives together! So let’s stop the war tactics and make this enjoyable.”

Alucard didn’t give an instant reply. Instead he hung his head, a smile slowly creaking until a soft laugh broke through him, “Yes...you’re very much like an old friend. For a witch, you know more than most humans.”

“And for a vampire, your head isn’t living entirely up your spine.” she shot back with a sip.

Mewtwo sipped, only confused and tired by the whole exchange. 

This committee would get much more tiring when Richter and Simon burst in, dragging a living quarry in their consecrated whips. Simon bellowed, “Alucard! I believe we caught some night creatures!”

“We weren’t sure exactly, that’s why we wished to consult with you!” Richted added unhelpfully.

Those in the chains weren’t night creatures at all, but rather apes and a massive kingly crocodile.

“Oh god,” whispered Alucard, “You two already caused an international incident.”

Mewtwo simply lifted the whips with telekinetic force, freeing a hefty yet regal crocodile, “Is that ANY way to treat the king of the Kremlings?!”

“We were just mindin’ our own business,” scoffed the smaller of the apes.

Isabelle apologized, “We’re sorry...it was all a misunderstanding...if we can get a name I’m sure you’ll show up right on the list.”

Simon scratched his head, “We may have been wrong this time, Richter.”

“The modern world is much more confusing than technology lead us to believe.”

The bigger ape cut in, “Uh yeah see, we’re here cause we got invites to a wedding and me and Candy….and K Rool I guess, saw you didn’t have a band!” He paused before extending a hand, “Donkey Kong by the way.”

“Yeah,” Candy said, “We’re tryin’ to get our name out so we’ll do the whole concert for exposure or whatever.”

“Excuuuuse me,” K Rool growled, “But I’m not like these simpletons, I demand financial compensation.”

“...Isabelle, what will our wedding budget allow?”

“Let’s see...adding the numbers together...Ummmm...10 gold coins.”

The Kremling king hissed, thumping to the piano stage, “I SUPPOSE it will do...”

Alucard put a thoughtful index and thumb to his chin, “Can you sing?”

“Can we sing?” Candy snorted.

“Our harmonizing is off the charts!” Donkey Kong said, “Hey, someone give us a beat on the piano!”

Mewtwo floated over, his mind conjuring a melody. The three auditioning guests cleared their throats, “Walk bad look bad be bad! Talk bad look bad BEEE BAD.”

Tossing the rest of her screwdriver away, Bayonetta chortled, “That’s good enough for a wedding.”

“With what you’re offering, can I say no? You’re hired by default.” Alucard weighed in.

“By default!” Donkey Kong cheered, “The best way to win! Bring it in guys...and K Rool I guess.” The three high fived.

“It’s coming together...” Alucard breathed, “Everything might just be fine...”

Falco swung the doors open, “Uh hey guys? You know the wedding is in two hours.”

Alucard could feel his soul leaving to rejoin with wherever Dracula’s had vanished, “Oh yes. I suppose the time spent analyzing the details may have been overdone...”

The psychic catch of an artificial pokemon can do wonders to keep a half-vampire from passing out. Despite the extremely bumpy start, their superhuman abilities (and Bayonetta’s literal and metaphorical tea) brought the wedding in order. The red room was what both parties wanted: low key, yet something noticeable that one would tell this was indeed a wedding. Rows of chairs were set up before a podium and an art deco stained glass window. In the next room there sat the big reception area: the bar to the immediate right, leading into the tables and to the far left the stage with its pianos and microphones.

Over a floor above, Fox was putting the final touches on his wedding suit: an immaculate white flight suit with a red belt and a chrysanthemum bouquet sticking from his army-duty pocket.

“I don’t know why we agreed to this kind of outfit...” in all honesty, neither he nor Fox never done something like this before. It didn’t make Fox all the less nervous, looking into the mirror. 

Falco patted his best man’s shoulder, “Hey. We fought a giant floating space head...more than once. So don’t worry about it.”

“Listen to your friend,” Bayonetta assured from a chair, putting on lipstick, “He’s the only one mad enough to organize all this.”

“I appreciate all of it, Falco...just...it’s...” Fox puffed empty air, “Wolf didn’t bail, right?”

A squeeze on the shoulder, “I’m with you pal. No matter where you go, the Star Fox is gonna be right by your side. You’re still mushy about him aren’t you?”

Fox didn’t need to hesitate, “Yes.”

“The sooner you get married the sooner you get the honeymoon~” smirked a confident Bayonetta.

His best man lead the groom forward, only to be stopped by a bear hug given by the likes of Peppy, “I just want you to know...your old man would be smiling on you, no matter what.”

Fox, though startled, relented with a hug, “Thanks Peppy. Yeah, think I’m ready to get married now.”

The room right across the hall had a similar scene: Wolf, decked out in a solid black jumpsuit, trimmed with silver seams and a golden belt. His eyepatch was now silver-trimmed with encrusted metal bits. A bit ostentatious for him, but what did he know. He raised his arms as Leon dusted him, “You look so fine-tuned, like a high caliber pistol.”

“Thanks, every groom wants to hear they look like a gun from their best man,” snorted Wolf, “What do you think Fox is doing? Chickening out?”

Panther Caruso, his second best man, shook his head, “Look into your heart, boss. If you feel the love...then that’s all you need to know.”

Wolf sighed, “I ain’t getting cold feet...I’m just thinking about things.”

Alucard teleported inside, “Marriage is a risk. I understand. But I feel...when you see your groom’s face, what you feel...will be much cleared.”

The merc nearly shot out his fur, “Don’t do that again!” He calmed down, “...yeah. Maybe you’re right. Only one way to know. Lead the way, boys.”

For a ‘low key’ wedding, more than their expected share of guests arrived. Bayonetta had already taken her seat, dressed in her usual attire. She was charitable, leaving a glittery package amongst the growing gifts next to the door. Many others just had to choose to add glitter as their theme, she mentally sighed. Next to her appeared a black figure. Ah, she knew this monstrosity. “Hello, Game and Watch. You’re a tad under-dressed.”

Looking at himself, Mr. Game and Watch raised his hand to change his figure from black to blue. Bayonetta sighed, “It’s in the spirit...”

She may as well see what other guests came by: of course, Mario arrived. But that wasn’t strange, what was strange was Yoshi taking where Luigi would normally sit, flanked by Peach and Daisy. They had brilliant white suits with bouquets. Finally, someone with formal wear. What really raised her brow was the arrival of Bowser, decked out in a white suit and a top hat, with one person hanging off his massive arm: Luigi. And the kids too. She smirked. Interesting.

Of course, there was Donkey Kong, Candy, Diddy, and K Rool. They sat across the Mario group. Behind them were Zelda, Link, and an armored figure right between them. Those were the only ones she knew, she resigned to resting with her legs crossed and head in the palm of her hand. She watched as Alucard floated and finally took a seat, “And how are the dogs?”

“Like any other groom on their wedding day, I wager,” Alucard said before opting to silence himself as Mewtwo started up the piano procession. Isabelle, wearing a plaid dress with a basket-woven sunhat, tipped up towards the podium. Soon followed Fox, escorted by Falco. Both of them looked regal, the light catching the color of their feather and fur.

Next came Wolf, escorted by his two best men: Leon and Panther. Alucard whispered softly, “This...is what truly makes immortality worth it at times.”

“Are you crying?” asked Bayonetta.

“I’m trying not to.”

Together the grooms stood at the altar, facing each other. The half-vampire could see the two space pilots, their faces reading a long history, an entwining and twisted path that the heavens themselves couldn’t chart. He saw that now, despite whatever may have occurred in the past, both were sure of what laid before them now. Alucard saw even from all the way in the back row. He smiled warmly. Bayonetta smiled, perhaps finding the dramatic vampire’s newly risen joy infectious.

Isabelle cleared her throat, “Citizens, kings, robots…people of unknown legal status. We’re gathere--”

The roof had gone. It was an impossible thing, but in the span of a second and a flash of laser light, the roof had gone away, obliterated from existence. The building now laid open to a wild and unearthly skies. 

Isabelle tried yelling over the din, “WE ARE GATHERED TODAY….”

But her voice faltered, everyone’s heads turning as what had torn apart the roof and exposed them now hovered like a predatory beast: a hand. A massive, gloved hand. Inhuman, unemotional, Master of all. 

Bayonetta rose from her chair, producing her pistols, “For fuck’s sake, on the one day I’m nice! Well, I suppose I’ll have to elaborate on the phrase ‘giving the finger’.”

The blond half-vampire shot up, producing his floating sword, “Richter, Simon.”

“Alucard!” Simon bellowed, his Morningstar already whirling around the hand’s thumb. It flailed violently, trying to free itself from the holy weapon’s grip “Let’s finish this beast and send it back to hell!”

“Eloquently put, dear friends.”

Wolf shrugged, giving a devilish smirk, “I mean...out of all the Giant Crap that would attack us on our wedding, this one’s the most surprising.”

“Oi boys!” yelled Bayonetta while she kicked her box towards the grooms, “Consider it an early wedding present.”

Together Fox and Wolf opened it: two pistols, imbued with a glowing aquamarine energy, the shiniest silver they ever saw. On it they saw engraved: one cursive F and one cryllic W. The engaged couple nodded, “Thanks.”

“A little something Rodin cooked up. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m just tired of this mess.” she sighed as she launched her legs right at the hand. This creature didn’t deserve her best effort.

They saw as the guests were doing their part in the fight: Bowser had bellowed, “Enjoy some toasted...HAND? UH...YEAH.” before belching a blaze of scorching breath. Samus had scaled the rubble, distracting the hand from further destruction. Alucard dashed through the hand several times, appearing and reappearing. Mewtwo strained as he tried holding the behemoth in place with his psychic abilities. Isabelle was making several phone calls. Mr. Game and Watch was...it would be better to know that whatever Mr. Game and Watch did, it was what Mr. Game and Watch did best.

Even the best men got busy wreaking hand-to-hand combat. Fox and Wolf exchanged looks, nodding with a shared grin. Together they raised the pistols, squeezing the button trigger. Both were knocked back as a blaze of brilliant light burst from the barrels. It was two demonic hawks, circling and entwining each other. The two looked strong, clearly, but together? They made a formidable struggle for this wedding crashing hand. 

With this combined effort the hand had weakened, drifting in a twitching suffering mass. Yet as the rest of the party were ready to give the hand the heave ho...the hand had gone with a loud schlurp. Their heads turned like a confused mass until their eyes came across: the ring bearer, Kirby, looking extremely full.

Wolf growled, “Just for once I’d like to save our own tails.”

“I don’t know about you, I was just giving my least,” Bayonetta scoffed.

Wolf’s fiance shrugged, “I think we did good….too bad about the roof. This is gonna be a nightmare to pay--”

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Mr. McCloud,” Isabelle said, “It’s pretty obvious when you’re inviting this many people...something may go awry. So I pulled out a policy on wedding disasters and after talking through many, many, many, many insurance agents about the legalities of federal disaster code, none of you tax-paying citizens have to worry about a thing!”

Yoshi sunk in his chair.

“So you just have to worry about getting married, Mr. McCloud and O’Donnell.” Isabelle beamed.

Fox rubbed his ears, “Well? What do you say?”

The grizzled eyepatched merc looked at his fiance. He remembered Alucard’s words...looking, really looking at Fox’s face...he was more sure than anything in his life. He raised a hand, “What the hell? We’re already here. This wedding is ours, Fox.”

“Poyo!” cheered Kirby. The audience laughed.

Kirby delivered the rings. Together they placed the rings as Isabelle read the vows. 

“I do,” said Fox.

“And do you, Wolf O’Donnell, take Fox McCloud to be your husband, in sickness and in health?”

“I do.”

Isabelle beamed, “Then by the authority vested in me by four universities, twelve online accredited courses, and five general countries, I pronounce you husband and husband!”

Wolf opened his arms, allowing the Fox to sweep him for the first time for a full kiss...as O’Donnell-McCloud...or McCloud-O’Donnell….Mc’Donnell...they hadn’t worked the name out yet.

The crowd cheered. Alucard smiled. He could see Trevor and Sypha smiling back at him. He could see generations of Belmonts smiling back at him. He could see Lisa and Dracula smiling back at him. But now...he saw two souls, bound for this greater purpose, reveling in the joy of mortal life.

“I don’t understand a single thing,” Simon whispered through joyful tears.

Richter replied, “Perhaps it is a sign of the mystery of God. We mortals are not meant to not fully grasp the beauty of His universe, but be in awe of all its wonder and beauty, for all of those which live and multiply in it.”

Simon nodded, not understanding that either.

“Thank you, New Donk City!” yelled Donkey Kong as he yelled out to an already rowdy reception. Bayonetta’s strong concoctions had produced a hearty affect on them, “We’re grateful to be here, performing for you. But uh...first I wanna say: trans rights, okay?”

The crowd went wild. Donkey Kong bobbed his head, grinning, “Well alright! Hit the trumpet, K Rool!”

“I got paid ten gold for this so you’ll love it!” the crocodile blew hard into the trumpet as the wedding band started into a cover of ‘High Hopes’. Mewtwo joined in with the piano, adding the extra boost the music needed.

The grooms stepped out first, taking the dance. They had one arm around each other’s waist, Wolf eager to take the lead, Fox eager to take the lead as well. The rest of the guests joined in soon, watching the newlyweds make a dance like two spacefighters in orbit around each other. Luigi had joined with Bowser, his arms barely reaching to the king Koopa’s hands. Dedede was reluctantly dragged out by Kirby, lead in an awkward step-by-step with the pink creature. Daisy, Peach, and Yoshi joined in a ring like dance. 

Everyone clapped as Mario attempted to breakdance. Richter and Simon soon joined with Mario’s routine, a three-person breakdance which soon devolved into a dance competition. The winner was unclear as Simon slipped across the floor and straight into Bowser’s shell.

Meanwhile at the bar, the best man Leon had slammed down a big boilmaker. Bayonetta sensed disaster when she saw it. This guy looked nothing like a disaster, “Fine way of spending the reception as a best man. Getting shitfaced. Alone. While everyone’s dancing.”

“I’m happy,” he retorted, “Who said I wasn’t happy?! I’m happy for him?!”

“Cause you’re the furthest place alone from him, getting shitfaced,” she leaned in with a completely knowing ‘ready to spill the tea’ grin, “You got a thing, don’t you? Oh...you foolish gecko….”

“Listen, I’m going to do,” he slurped another shot, “What I always do: murder and bury my feelings. And then murder again. And one day I’ll be murdered back.”

She sighed, pocketing the chameleon’s knives, “Not here you won’t. Listen...Leon, was it? You will get over it. But not in the way you’re talking about. You know how you get over a heartache? You go to the sauna and forget the towel if you know what I mean.”

Leon shook his head, “…...sauna would be nice.”  
The witch groaned, “Ok no, I’m not cleaning up another fucking mess.” She motioned another person over: a frog, in very similar mode of dress to the wasted chameleon. “You. Is this twink hot?”

Slippy gave an awkward smile, “Wh-what…? He’s kind of scary….”

“Is he hot?” she insisted.

“I mean...yes. Yes? Yeah.”

“It’s settled!” she clapped her hands, “he’s yours for the night. Have a nice dance!”

She shoved the lizard into the amphibian’s hands, leading Leon to snort, “Hey what?! Oh...alright, your hands are...meaty.”

“Wow,” Slippy said, “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said about my hands...you wanna talk about ship designs? Because I’ve rewired an M-class guidance system yesterday, it was super complicated if you wanna hear about it...”

“Keep saying words,” he slurred, “Your voice tickles my brain.”

Good save, thought Bayonetta to herself. But that monologue got interrupted by the sight of a blonde woman sitting alone at the bar. Sliding over with supernatural ease, Bayonetta conjured a drink, “Nice work...using those guns.”

“Same to you,” Samus shrugged, “I only had one though.”

“I wasn’t talking about that equipment you lug around,” she pointed at her biceps.

Samus tilted her head, “….I guess I wasn’t talking about the guns on your heels then.”

Bayonetta grinned.

At the dance floor Alucard shuffled, teleporting in that manner which seemed to really entertain Bowser’s kids. At every appear and disappear they gasped, then clapped with laughter. In the midst of this show, the half-vampire was tapped on the shoulder by a panther. Alucard smiled, “Oh yes, you’re the gentleman who assisted with this...shindig.”

“I seem to be,” he said.

Panther Caruso let his hand show with a flourish, “Tell me, has a vampire like you ever danced with an alien?”

Alucard gave an embarrassed grin at the Koopalings, “...I’m sorry, children. I have...pressing adult business. Boring business.”

It didn’t fool them as they made kissy noises while Panther led a floating Alucard away. 

The evening soon winded down...with many passing out on the floor or the tables. With those waking up tomorrow, they would curse the name of Bayonetta. Those who were in the state of mind to leave, they would also question their decision, like the decision of Slippy Toad to book a room in this very building with one Leon Powalski.

One thing that seemed definitely for sure, Fox and Wolf kept their eyes on each other for this slow dance. 

“Well, Fox,” Wolf said, “Ever thought you’d be fighting a giant hand on the altar with me?”

“Ever thought we’d get a vampire to help with our wedding?”

“...ever thought we’d be getting married?”

Fox grinned, “You mean when you told me ‘I can’t let you do that’? Not really...but life has a funny way of working out, huh?”

Wolf gave his grizzled smile, “It sure does, Fox.” He surveyed the party, how it slowed down, “What say you n’ me get going to…?”

Fox threw an arm over Wolf’s shoulder, “Say no more, Mr. Mc’Cloud-Odonell….okay we need to come up with a better name.”

“Later,” Wolf said, nuzzling his husband.

Together they passed Alucard, chatting with a Panther Caruso at a table. Fox spoke up, “You know...we want to thank you...for everything. You too, Isabelle.”

The dog shot up from a pile of paperwork and coffee, “Awww, think nothing of it.”

Fox continued, “No really. Coming from someone who never really knew his dad….I like to think we make our own family. So...all you guys...you’re family.”

The half-vampire smiled, his eyes getting teary, “Thank you. I wish to say...you’re my family as well.”

“Yeah uh,” Wolf was never good with these kind of things, “If you ever need us… you know where to find us. Same goes for that lady passed out. Might wanna tell her when she gets up.”

“And Falco,” he went up to his best friend for a tight hug, “We’re Star Fox to the end.”

Falco pushed him back, giving a good fist bump, “To the end. Now go get some at the honeymoon alright? Jeeze!”

“You guys are always my crew,” Wolf told Panther, “...pass that into Leon. Wherever he is. Did he leave?”

“Weird...Slippy did too...” horror began to dawn on Fox’s face. The horror must have been contagious because it caught onto Wolf’s and Falco’s expressions.

“Alright, we’re going before that gets into my imagination.” he lifted Fox, “Shall we?”

“Okay you get one of those,” scoffed Fox, kissing his cheek.

“I know~” together they walked and….fell off the newly-made roof of the building. Everyone shouted in horror.

...only to sigh in relief as Fox’s arwing rose above the building and sped off into the stars, a rainbow trail of light zipping behind them.

**Author's Note:**

> I know so little about New Donk City if I got something wrong about a Mario game please sacrifice me to matpat
> 
> Other than that, I just wanted something light and fun, I hope it was fun for you too


End file.
